The Taxonomy of Shipboard Creatures – Part 1

We have decided to use the multitude of sea days on this voyage to study and classify the abundance of creatures that one is likely to find on a cruise ship.  Today’s blog is the first of a multi-part, documentary featuring Cel and Cia’s taxonomic classification of the varieties of fauna that we have discovered on board.  While the Cel is primarily responsible for identifying the broad phyla and making detailed field observations, Cia, establishes the fine distinctions between the various species and supplies the nomenclature.  We humbly offer this scholarly endeavour simply for your edification and enjoyment; there will be no quizzes or exams.  So, without further delay, let us begin to make some sense of the wild menagerie to be found on a cruise ship by introducing you to a creature you are likely to encounter within moments of boarding your vessel, perhaps even on the gangway.

Blockers: The primary habitat of these monuments of ignorance includes stairwell entrances, doorways, the middle of staircases, narrow corridors, buffet queues, in short, any relatively confined space where traffic is easily congested.  They always appear in pods, rather like whales, which they also often resemble in size and shape.  Blockers have two broad modes of behaviour.  When active, they are characterized by flamboyant gestures meant to fill as much space as possible and they may strike without warning.  When indolent, blockers simply stand stupidly, mimicking a space-occupying lesion.  A defining feature of blockers, whether restive or idle, is that their mouths are in perpetual motion, typically emitting some senseless drivel that, for whatever unfathomable reason, they and their pod mates find immensely absorbing.  Blockers are invariably oblivious of their surroundings and become irate when the crowd of 20 or more people who have been waiting patiently for them to move out of the way express any hint of displeasure with their antics.

Keep following this blog for more informative taxonomy lessons in the coming weeks.  You will learn about Caterwaulers, Belugas, and oh so many other strange organisms!  Until next time...